Archive


Name	Adoptee Solidarity Korea

Subject	Part II: Am I American or am I Korean? 2008.11.26

The Korea Herald
2008.11.26

Part II:Am I American or am I Korean?

Following is Part II of a three part series on growing up adopted. Part III will be in tomorrows Expat Living. To comment, e-mail

[email protected]. Richard Spalding can be reached through his blog www.inmyseoul.com -- Ed.

From Part I

My mothers favorite childhood story about me was when I paraded around the house with an American flag, playing Bruce Springsteens Born in the USA on my Playskool cassette player, and singing along at the top of my lungs. Ironically, this song was my favorite while I was growing up. It is ironic because I was not born in the USA.

I celebrate Oct. 20 as my birthday. I say celebrate because I do not know the exact date of my birth. The reason my parents dont know my birthday is because I was adopted from the Grace Orphanage in Daejeon, Korea, when I was about 5 years old. My adoptive parents had to assign a birthday to me for legal purposes, and they chose Oct. 20, 1980.

My trips to Korea have also caused me to think more about my identity. Am I American, Korean or Korean-American?

Part II

Korean-American?

I know this is the probably the most logical category to put me in. I was born in Korea and am a U.S. citizen. However, in my view Korean-Americans are people whose parents immigrated to the United States and were born there. Their parents are Korean, the children are Korean-American; or perhaps Korean children whose parents moved to America while they were children. Koreans call these people Gyopo, and just recently I found out they call themselves FOBies, which means Fresh Off the Boat (I know its not politically correct, but it is the terminology used by these people).

This may be my own psychoanalytic belief on this, but either way, I dont associate with many Koreans in the United States. The only interaction I have with them is usually at Korean restaurants.

There is a large Korean community in Detroit. However, they are more like I described above; Korean born parents immigrate with children born in the United States.
Ironically, of all of the groups I feel less drawn into this category, perhaps because I have the least exposure to this group.

The adventure is not in the final destination but the experiences and people you meet on the way.

Im sure most people have heard of this quote, its pretty famous. I totally understand this quote now. Yeah, sure, I knew what it meant before, but after my trip to Korea, I truly understood and experienced firsthand what it means.

During my adventures in Korea I, met some very nice people and had some awesome experiences along the way.

First and foremost was the Hong family -- as mentioned earlier. I found an organization in Minnesota called Korean Adoptee Ministries which offered a homestay program.

I figured this would be the best way for me to acclimate to Korea and also to see the Korean family dynamics. The organization connected me with the Hong family. I wasnt sure what to expect when I arrived in Seoul, and to be honest, I was really nervous. That nervousness quickly faded when Mr. Hong met me at the airport.

Mr. and Mrs. Hong live in an apartment in Jamsil, directly across from Lotte Mart. It was a perfect location in the heart of Seoul with easy access to the wonderful subway system. Mr. and Mrs. Hong are in their early 60s and have two daughters. One lives in the same apartment complex with her family consisting of a daughter (Yea-ji) and a son (Soun-nu) and the other daughter lives in Hong Kong with her family consisting of two sons (Soo-bin and Soo-Hyun) and 1 daughter (Sil-bi).

Mr. and Mrs. Hong watch their grandkids most days after school because their father commutes to and from work over the weekends and their mother owns a bakery. In my personal observation/opinion, Korean kids and babies are the cutest in the world (of course I may be a little biased), and the Hongs grandkids were no exception. During the day Mr. Hong would take me all around Seoul and show me all of the sights. Then after school, we would return to his apartment and I would spend time with his grandkids (who by the way were addicted to the card games War and Slap Jack). We played endless hours of both games, and even though Soun-nu could barely speak any English, by the time I left he was very fluent in saying PLAY CARD GAME!!! with a cute grin every time he saw me.

One night we were sitting around watching television (yes, a Korean drama), Sun-nu started speaking to me really fast and excited. I turned to his mother to ask her to translate for me what he was saying. Her reply I dont know. He is not speaking Korean. He thinks he is speaking English to you. I thought my heart was going to drop! And that was when I truly felt part of this family when their grandson was trying to communicate to me in my native language.

I personally loved eating at the Hongs house because Mrs. Hong is an excellent cook. Ive eaten kimchi all over Korea and the United States and I have yet to eat any that was even close to Mrs. Hongs in flavor and freshness. While Mrs. Hong and I could not communicate much, she made me feel so much at home. She was so gracious and even did my laundry, which I tried to insist that I could do myself! While staying with the Hongs, they gave me a pillow that was extremely firm, filled with plastic straws/beads. I mentioned to the Hongs that I wanted to get one for my house. Later that week, Mrs. Hong came home with a pillow in hand and gave one to me as a present. I was extremely touched that she would do something like that for a total stranger.
On my second trip to Korea, the Hong family invited me to spend a week skiing with them over the Chinese New Year. Mr. Hong explained that it was a Korean style vacation. Korean style meant there were 12 of us all staying in a two bedroom apartment for the week. It was probably one of my best vacations ever. Even though I offered to get a room of my own if his family was uncomfortable, Mr. Hong would not even consider it. It was definitely close quarters, but it is a testimony to the stability of Korean families. Most families in the United States would kill each other in these situations.

One of my favorite memories of this family was of the youngest member Sil-bi. Sil-bi was barely 2 years old. I first met her family on my second visit to Korea during the ski trip. On my third trip to Korea -- I was going to be there for more than 30 days -- my visa limit -- so I had to travel outside Korea for a couple of days in the middle of my trip.

I stayed with Sil-bis family in Hong Kong for three days. During that time, Sil-bi and I shared some quality time together. She and her family are bilingual and able to speak both English and Korean very well. Her 2-year-old Korean vocabulary was still better than mine, and I think she understood this. She would toddle up to me with a couple of her books -- the type with thick cardboard pages -- you know, the baby books with a few words on each one -- and sit or stand next to me and point to pictures in her book and say what it was in Korean.

She would point to a dog and say Kae, and sit there looking up at me with those cute eyes of hers waiting for me to repeat. Or I would say either dog or kae and she would point to the right picture in her book. I couldnt believe that this 2-year-old understood my language barrier and helped me learn many new words.

The Hong family truly embraced me as one of their own.

During one of my visits, Mr. Hong told me that even though an American family adopted me, he and his family adopted me into their Korean family. I thought I was going to cry. He even gave me a new Korean name; he said that I needed one that matched me. My new Korean name was Hong Ee-chul -- Ee-chul was picked because it was close to my American name, Richard, except its a lot easier for Koreans to say.

I made three two other Korean friends during my travels. The first was Ryu Soo-hyun. During my visit to Gongju, Aa Tourist Information lady in Gongju says to me I have daughter, she show you around. Needless to say, I was pretty embarrassed, however I figured why not take up the offer?

The lady called her daughter and handed me the phone. So I took the phone and said Uh, Hi. Your mother said that you could show me around the historical sites?

The poor girl on the other end of the phone said that she was finishing lunch and would be ready in 45 minutes!

We get to the ladys parked car and she motions for me to get in. I figured that we were going to go pick up her daughter. We got to their apartment building, and the mother calls the daughter again, and the daughter comes down to meet us and asks for another 15 minutes to finish up lunch. How embarrassing, I assumed the mother told the daughter on the phone that we were coming. I was so embarrassed and felt really bad for the daughter.

After Soo-hyun had finished her lunch, she came down and the three of us headed off to see some of the historical sites. It was a beautiful day and the mother led the way, pointing out National Treasures. If you are unaware of what these are, some part of the government labeled all of the National Treasures and each one has a separate number. I ask Soo-hyun how they determine what a National Treasure is, but she didnt know either.

Soo-hyuns mother dropped us off at a museum afterwards where we saw many more National Treasures. It became a big inside joke between Soo-hyun and I, because obviously in a national museum there were going to be a lot of National Treasures, but each one was always boldly labeled. I guess the museum was proud of having these pieces in their collection.

Unfortunately, I have lost touch with Soo-Hyun, which I am very sad about. Maybe someday well meet again. She and her mother had a huge impact on my experience in Korea, and I will not forget their kindness.

Then there is Kim Young-min. I met Young-min because she translated for me during my first visit to the orphanage in Daejeon. She introduced to me my second-favorite Korean dish -- Jjim Daek (spicy noodle and chicken). I met up with Young-min on all three of my trips. She also showed me around the younger parts of Seoul. While I thoroughly enjoyed the sites with Mr. Hong, Young-min took me to areas of Seoul with a younger crowd. I have been lucky enough to keep in touch with Young-min to this day.

Conclusion

I dont feel like I belong strictly into the categories of Korean, American or even Korean-American. Yes, sometimes its frustrating and sometimes its sad. I guess I need to learn to focus on the positive side.

Even with all this internal turmoil, I know getting adopted is the best thing that ever happened to me. Id much rather face this problem than the problems I would have probably had to face had I not been adopted.

To think about it, this problem probably pales in comparison, but it is a real problem that I struggle with, so its important to me.

I love Korean people, culture and language. I desperately want to live in Korea someday.

I want to own a Korean apartment, drive a Korean car, speak Korean fluently, and go out with a bunch of Korean friends speaking only Korean!

But I cant forget the country and people that have taken me in, no matter if I stick out there. They have given me what so many would be jealous of. I can speak English fluently, I graduated from an excellent college and have an excellent job. I am thankful for all of this and I am sure I would miss other not-so-obvious things if I ever lived outside the United States for an extended period of time.

In conclusion, I guess its not so bad. I guess I get to pick the best of both worlds. I just need to learn Korean -- which I promise myself I will start doing. I dont have to do the military service in Korea, nor do I have the pressures like Korean kids do for school and getting married.

While sometimes I wish I was just a normal Korean or normal American, its not bad just being me. Even with this realization, I dont think I will not have this topic creep up in my mind; I think it will always be there. I think it is human nature to want to know about our origins. I will always wonder what it would have been like to grow up in Korea.

My visits to Korea have shed some light on what had been for years my identity struggle. I no longer see it as a struggle. Instead, I view it as something to relish as I find myself.

My visits made me realize that if Im too focused on the question Who am I, I might miss great experiences and relationships.

I realize now that it doesnt matter what culture I identify with -- or which of them accepts me. What matters is what I experience, enjoy, or learn from Koran and American cultures and the individual people or families who accept me for who I am.
My trip to Korea made me appreciate my Korean heritage even more and at the same time appreciate my American heritage as well. I shouldnt care what people think. I dont think I should have to pick one over the other. I consider it a perk of being adopted; being able to be loyal to two countries at the same time without having to pick a favorite.

I appreciate each country for what it has to offer.

By Richard Spalding

2008.11.26

www.koreaherald.co.kr

DATE: 2008.11.25 - 11:18

More babies adopted locally 2008.11.20

Am I American or am I Korean? Part I 2008.11.25